the man i am

And here i am, coward creature who finally face a storm of love again. Still the same boy the same man, the one that build the kingdom and destroy it at the same time
I had stopped praying with words, and only with my silence. The kinda of prayer that only waits in the window knowing that no star will be seen.And then you come,not like an answer, but like a question can finally lay down on the couch after a thousand of asked.God is not as bad as i thought, this past years i only felt his thunder, but now god give me something else. he just send a face, the one that i bound to. and let me realize that i was heared all all

The years moved like weather over everything, the trees forgot their old leaves, the rivers wore new paths, even the sky changed its mind a thousand times
But your face stayed still in me, untouched by any of it, like a photograph the wind never learned how to 
I think that is how I knew my heart had stopped counting years, the moment it met you some things are not aged by time. They are simply kept.
And your eyes. I have looked into rivers calmer than your eyes, and skies that held less worlds than your eyes
But it was never just their beauty that undid me. It was what I found when I looked deep enough into them myself, reflected back in a light I didn't know I was still allowed to stand in
I expected to see a stranger there, someone too far gone to be welcomed back. Instead I found a boy still waiting, still worth the forgivin
Maybe that is what your eyes do, they don't just see me as I am. They show me who I am still allowed to become.
And for the first time in years, I looked at my own reflection and did not flinch. I just stood there, quietly grateful, that someone's eyes could hold so much grace they taught me how to hold my own.
Years ago, I was the storm that broke something in you I was too young to name.i left, and let silence do the explaining I never could.
I carried the weight of it quietly, telling myself I had moved on when I had only learned to walk while still bleeding.
Now I am back, not asking for forgiveness yet, just asking if the door still exists
I don't want the years back. I want to become the man who never breaks that door again.
so I will not ask you to take my word for it. Words are cheap from a man who once broke promises in the same breath he made them.s
 with your eyes open to stand in a silence that looks too much like a grave, waiting for a resurrection no one promised you.
But grief, I have learned, makes strange gardens
What almost buried us alive became the soil something patient grew from.Not despite the waiting, but because of 
So if you ask me now whether three years nearly killed us, I will say yes. And I will also say it is the only death that ever gave me something worth living for.